Sharp-minded memory champs may remember that despite being a feministic woman of the highest order, I also spend a chunk of the day covering my face in coloured grease. Often when I'm in the house alone and planning to see no one but the postman. (I never plan to see the postman, but the fruits of my late night eBay habit kick in with a knock on the door, every few days or so.) If you want to reacquaint yourself with that particular ramble, click here. Alternatively, be assured I settled this conflict of interests happily enough, with the declaration that I like putting on make up, and the process is relaxingly creative. It takes away none of the 'Smash the Patriarchy' undertones to my personality.
So why bang that drum again? Why revisit past paragraphs. Well, I'll tell you. It occurred to me why I enjoy putting on make up so much. Yes, it's creative, and yes, I like playing with different products and trying new effects (I'm all about the 'bad girl smoky eye' at the moment) but there's more to it than that. I've realised it's one of two times in the day that I get my own choice about what I watch on TV*. Every morning, as I emerge from the bathroom, towel-clad and dripping (easy now) I sit in front of the mirror, turn to the Netflix app on my phone, and continue to watch whatever it is that I've got on a loop that week. I don't have to compromise or bargain. It's pure 'me' time. It's not the place to watch the latest must see TV series I'm bingeing at night. It's not the time for Swedish killings and Danish subtitles. It's not where I can give something my full attention. No, it's the time when I watch repeats of things I know backwards, or where I play something that only needs to be heard to be understood. While I'm concentrating on poking soft black pencils near my eyeballs, I need no cause to turn my head for a visual gag or dramatic yet soundless reaction to a plot-twist.
So for now, let me fill you in on the shows with which I share my make-up application time. What am I listening to, that sets me up for the day ahead, whilst taking away none of the concentration I need for creating flicky eyeliner? Let's take a look through the round window.
1. Schitt's Creek
I've talked about it before, but this comedy is perfect. Watch it for real first, then repeat aurally with a visual memory of the characters' facial expressions and mannerisms. The episodes are short, with plenty of 'laugh-out-loud' and 'ahhhhh' moments every time. Series Four is currently being shown in Canada and the US. I cannot tell you how irritating it is to see GIFs, comments and outpourings of love for the new episodes that I can't yet see. I'm frustrated beyond belief. As we speak, I'm repeating Series Three for the dozenth time. I've seen it...a lot. I could probably perform it as a one-woman play. One episode lasts as long as it takes to throw on my slap, dry my hair and get dressed. It's spot on. I've also worked out that I have all the social awkwardness of David Rose when I'm sober. It's uncanny.
2. James Acaster
Because I am old and watch repeats of Canadian sitcoms every day, I know little of new comedic talents breaking through. But somewhere at some point, James Acaster entered my life. I think I first became aware of him on an episode of Would I Lie to You. (Click here to see him totally outshine everyone else in the 'This is My..' round.) Now, ages later, he's popped up with his own stand up special on Netflix. I tested the waters this morning. I sat down, pressed play, and reached for my foundation primer. Reader, I can confirm that you do not need to see James Acaster to laugh hard at his comedy. He has a couple of visual gags, but he mostly talks and you LOL with gusto. Another winning companion to my morning routine.
We're moving onto podcasts now. Yes, I know Serial has been out for years but I am late to the party. I listened to this because every article about 'Must-Listen To Podcasts of (Insert Year Here)' referred to it like the grandmother of everything that has come after. For me, time flies when I'm absorbed in a story. And being able to use my hands and get on with life as I listen is a big win. Serial gripped me, yes even Season Two. It also opened up a world of True Crime that until then, I'd given a wide swerve.
4. Missing Richard Simmons
A really random but intriguing podcast, not without controversy. The not-that-famous-in-the-UK fitness guru, Richard Simmons, apparently dropped out of public life a few years ago. This podcast makes what could be a complete non-story about that retreat, seem engrossing and interesting. It's 6 x 30 minutes so it covered a full week (Sunday's don't count) of cosmetic augmentation.
|This is the only GIF of Mark Kermode |
I could find. It makes no sense . Sorry.
Here's what happens when I watch a film. At some point after it's finished (and for the purposes of this list, it's often the following morning as I slap on the slap) I go to You Tube and type in the name of the film and 'Mark Kermode'. That's all. That's all it needs. Then, like magic, his well-thought out and considered review of the film pops up, filling ten minutes of my morning. I don't always agree with him but I always enjoy hearing his thoughts. I feel genuine sadness when I search for a film and it's been reviewed at a time he's taken a holiday. I am sure the people standing in for him are marvellous, but I feel something's been taken away from me. The best thing is saving up two or three reviews to watch at once. That fills up my entire daily beauty regime. Good times.
So there we are. Some suggestions if you ever feel like experimenting with make up or audio-entertainment. For now I'll carry on fuming that Schitt's Creek Season Four hasn't yet come to the UK, I'll keep seeking out engrossing True Crime stories to keep me guessing, and I'll definitely continue to plaster on the black eyeliner on a daily basis. Oh, and I'll smash the patriarchy too. It's good to keep busy.
Have a lovely week, folks.
*The second time in the day where I'm in full control of what I binge, is when I do my power-walk. Yes, that's right. I'm power-walking now. Or as I like to call it, walking.